Thursday, 18 September 2014

Ninjas Ninjas Ninjas! Lethal Ninja (Yossi Wein, 1992)


The wife of a good ninja (Mrs Ninja I think she was called) is kidnapped in Africa as part of a Nazi poising scheme and he must track her down. The movie opens with a ninja attack on Mrs Ninja’s research camp resulting in the rather bloodless slaughter of a number of scientists. Good ninja teams up with his friend to wander round a series of industrial locations, fending off the occasional ninja ambush and attempting unsuccessfully to generate some buddy-movie chemistry. The Neo-Nazi that leads the ninjas (you read that correctly) is a cross between Richard Briers and Colonel Saunders and offers one of the least intimidating threats ever committed to film: “Take them to the see-saw!” The action is frequent, set in really evocative locations and the violence is punctuated with some nice crunchy sound effects. Despite this the action never quite manages to satisfy, even the scene with the roller-skating ninjas. The quantity is there, but the quality is lacking.

Ninja Abilities – Roller-skating.

Ninja Kit – Sword, Bow, Sai, Garrotte, Ninja skates (roller skates with flick out blades), Nunchaku/Kusari Fundo, Crossbow, Machine guns

Ninja Colours – Black, Light brown/camouflage.

Notable Ninja Kills – Neck snaps.

Ninja Activity? –Medium to good (frequent appearances)

Ninja Mythology: Ninjas enjoy skating but ruin it for everyone else.

Overall rating: 6/10




Wondering what the hell you just read? Check out the introduction that explains everything you need to know about this column here!

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